5 Cursed Business Phrases That Should Be Tossed Into Tartarus Forever

Let us be free

In Greek mythology, Tartarus is the deepest part of the underworld. It’s where Cronus tossed his Cyclops child to keep it from overthrowing him and freaking him out with its general Cyclops-ness. It’s where Sisyphus was sent when he was condemned to push the rock uphill forever, and where Zeus imprisoned any number of horrible souls and/or enemies of Zeus. It’s a dark, cavernous, miserable place. And, it’s where I’d love to send these business phrases to rot until the end of time.

1. Innovative Solutions

   Spend any time in certain marketing circles and you’ll find yourself up to your eyeballs in solutions, each more “innovative” than the last. But, are they though? This one is pretty benign as dumb phrases go, but that’s my whole problem with it. It doesn’t mean anything, and yet it is everywhere. It feels lazy and bland, which is why I’ll never understand why businesses insist on using it like an incantation that elevates ordinary services to some extraordinarily important level.

2. Socialize, as in “I need to socialize this with the team to get buy-in”

   If no LinkedIn-pilled business associates have used this one with you yet, consider yourself blessed. Just say “share.” It’s fine! Similar offenders include productize and invisibilize.

3. Leverage
   Oh, thank god! This organization "leverages innovative solutions." I was getting worried for a second that they might be full of shit. As my beloved late grandma might say when confronted with such nonsense, “Leverage my Greek royal ass!”

   (I realize there are real instances where this word makes sense. Those are not what I am talking about.)

4. Plus-up

   The first time I heard this come out of someone’s mouth I laughed out loud. That was bad news for me because it was the VP of the company I worked for at the time. But I truly thought they forgot the word for “improve” and their brain was just trying to fill in the gaps, like when Homer Simpson forgot the word for “spoon” and called it “that metal dealy you use to dig food.”

5. Purpose-built

   Is anything built without a purpose? What are we talking about here? Be serious.

This list is not exhaustive, but fortunately, there’s always room in Tartarus.

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In the Loop

A look at the song, quote from movies or tv, or random phrase that has been stuck in my head all week in an attempt to get it out by acknowledging it publicly.

I’ve had a ton of Oh Sees songs in my head lately, but currently Stinking Cloud from Castlemania is swirling around the old noggin. Is it that the chaotic vibe of this song matches the vibe of the last, oh let’s say, two or three months? Is it the “dead, dead like I already said” line bringing to mind the dream of a restful slumber forever out of reach? Probably all that stuff, plus it’s just a good, fun, weird song on a good, fun, weird record. Go listen to it and imagine how nice it might be to spend a little time as a clump of cold, dark, damp, dirt. Ahhh. Soothing.

Until the next one,
— Bex